When Letting Go is Hard to Do Pt. 2

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

So about a week ago, I made a post on the reasons I feel like it’s hard to let go; You’re comfortable, you don’t want to be alone, you don’t believe you will find anyone better, and you simply just don’t know how to. I received a lot of feedback on additional reasons such as, you are simply in love with that person. It was important to me to follow up to explore exactly why I feel you should get up and go.

1. It’s more painful to hold on to someone then it is to let them go.

Let’s ponder on this for a minute…Every day, you find yourself in your room, at night with ears full of tears and wet pillows. Everything about you has changed. Your smile is different. The way you walk and the way you talk is no longer the same. Your friends, family and loved one’s no longer recognize you. The pain is evident on the inside as well as the outside of you. Letting go doesn’t mean the the pain will automatically be erased, but its a step in the right direction for your strength and happiness to be restored.

2. What you’re holding on to, probably no longer exists.

Man….If this one reason didn’t hit home for me. I remember holding on to relationships based on how my significant other USED to be. He WAS so sweet. He WAS so nice. He USED to do this…He USED to do that. Even though now, he stayed out all night, he never did or said nice things to me, he was rude, mean, and inconsiderate. But since he once showed me how it felt to “feel” loved…my mind wouldn’t allow me to focus on the NOW. I couldn’t focus on what was currently wrong in the relationship. I was holding on to what used to be, believing that it would all come back. That everything would eventually be the same. I understand. It is so hard to change what you’re used to and shift your emotions into reality at times. But in the end, it wills save a lot of hurt and pain if you let it go.

3. You do not want to be held back.

Ever feel like you are continuously moving, but going absolutely no where at the same time? It’s like a ton of bricks are on your back and you can’t do anything about it. When you stay in a toxic relationship, friendships, etc…that’s exactly what it feels like. You can’t move forward. You can’t grow. You’re in a position where you begin to feel like you’re stuck. You can’t turn left or right. Can’t move forward or even back. It effects your mental, physical, and even spiritual growth sometimes. And to me…That’s one of the worst feelings in the world.

So again guys…I have explored just 3 reasons why I feel you should let go. Talk to me. Let me know what you think. Whether you agree, disagree, or have more reasons to add.

Happy Reading! Love,

B

When Letting Go is Hard To Do

Why is it so hard to let go of people that continues to cause you pain?

If you think about it, it’s more painful to hold on, than it is to let go. But time and time again, we find ourselves holding on to toxic relationships, marriages, friendships, even family members, when everything…every clue…every sign is pointing to you LETTING GO and walking away. So in this post, I’m going to explore why I feel it is hard to let go.

1. You’re comfortable.

Making the decision to leave someone that you have been in a relationship with is not a comfortable feeling by far. Your entire lifestyle may have to change if you go forward with that decision. You realize that staying isn’t the hard part….getting up and leaving is. You may have to leave your home, friends, jobs, etc. There may be a whole bunch of changes that you have to make and you are just not ready for that. So you stick around..through the tears, the sad lonely night (even with them around), and you allow yourself to get sucked in deeper and deeper. Happiness is getting further and further away from your reality, but you can’t seem to find the strength to leave.

2. You don’t want to be alone.

Ok let’s be real. Let’s face it…NO ONE on God’s green Earth actually LIKES to be alone. I don’t think we are programmed to be. So the simple thought of leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend is unbearable. You don’t even think about how you feel NOW…You begin to ponder on how you THINK you will feel later. Lonely, miserable, inadequate, sad, disappointed, and did I mention LONELY?

3. You don’t believe you will find anyone “better”.

Someone make sense of this please. Explain to me what “better” is? I’ve been searching for the answer for a long time, because I know when I was with my ex…I felt the SAME. EXACT. WAY. Even through the lies, cheating, etc…I always felt that I had to stay with him because “I would never find anyone better.” But I realized that the reason I had that mentality is not because I didn’t feel like I would find anyone better…It’s because I didn’t truly believe and understand that I DESERVED better.

4. You simply just don’t know how to.

This is the simplest reason as to why people don’t let go. They don’t know how. They feel that it’s this intricate, scientific, mathematical equation as to how to do it. When really (as hard as it is) all you have to do is just GET UP AND LEAVE. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, you don’t have to turn and jump hoops…all you have to do it go. Again, it won’t be easy, by far. But you CAN DO IT.

So I’ve briefly examined some of the reasons why I feel it is difficult to let go…Talk to me friends. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or if you can add to my list. Lets talk! 🙂

Stay tuned Wednesday, October 14th when I discuss the reasons why I feel you should let go. As always, Thank you for your support! 🙂

With Love,

B

Waiting to Exhale

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” 

More than anything I’m ready to exhale. Ready to release all that I have built up inside of me. I’m ready to breathe again. One of the hardest things in life to deal with is learning how to fully forgive someone that has wronged you. How do you forgive the guy that cheated on you, the girl that lied to you, the father that left you, the mother that abandoned you? How do you truly let go?

Can I be completely honest for a second?….I woke up a few mornings ago and realized that I wasn’t over the hurt and pain that I endured during my last relationship. I was cheated on, lied to, made to feel less than worthy, etc. Almost every negative emotion you can endure, I went through with him. That has been TWO YEARS AGO! TWO. And you mean to tell me I’m still battling this? Why does it still bother me? *sigh* Because I have not fully forgiven him for what he has done. Better late than never for me to come to this realization, Right?

So in this post, I will explore what I personally feel the 3 hardest reasons why forgiving someone is so freaking hard to me in general and specifically with (him).

3. “I forgive you, but man I can’t believe you did that….”

When a person has wronged me I forgive them but let me tell you…I do NOT forget. I sometimes bring it up every chance I get just so they can fully understand how wrong I believe they were and how much they have hurt me.  But is that fair? Why would I say it’s over and that I forgive them, when all I’m going to do is constantly bring it up, causing more issues in the long run. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m “over it”, just to get mad every time I hear his name. I’m not saying to “Forgive and Forget”. I’m saying “Forgive and LET GO”. Move past it. Don’t stay stuck in that same position forever or you will be stuck in a world of unhappiness. (Trust me, I know. I’ve been single for two years because of it) 

2. “I just know you’ll do it again”….

Once a liar always a liar, right? Once a cheater always a cheater, right? Honestly, sometimes, yes. But do we treat everyone and every situation the same?

It’s already so hard for me to fully forgive and let go…then you tell me I need to TRUST you again too? Please. How am I suppose to do that? Learning to trust again is definitely the hardest act for me. That’s why I review actions more than anything. If a person keeps showing me that they will continuously hurt and lie to me, I have to let them go. But if I see true, genuine effort to rebuild our relationship and trust, I will stand by their side every step of the way. It will hurt and take some work, but I will be there for the ride. That’s what unconditional love is all about.

1. “Was it me? What did I do wrong?” 

This may seem silly, but for me, forgiving sometimes has a lot to do with what I feel my role was in the situation. For a while I blamed myself for the lies, the cheating, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely wasn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean I deserved any of that.  I go through this cycle where I blame myself then I turn around and say, “Nah F*** that, it was him”…he should be the one to blame. I go through this constant battle in my head all the time. Not realizing how detrimental it is to my healing process. I can’t blame myself for other people’s wrong doings. I can only realize my role and forgive myself for only MY actions. And even if they don’t apologize, I still should forgive. Not for them…but for me.

So there you have it. 3 reasons why forgiving someone is so hard for me to do. Writing this post is helping me sort out my emotions and preparing me to battle my issues head on. If you are dealing with issues of unforgivieness I challenge you to really take a look into yourself and the situations and figure out how to get through it and the reasons that it’s held you back for so long. Remember how good it will feel to finally breathe without that excess weight on your shoulders. To finally exhale all that pain and hurt you feel and to be FREE! Free of the burden that unforgivieness causes. I can’t wait to exhale. What about you?

As always, remember, “As I minister to you, I minister to myself.” 

 

With Love, 

B

 

*Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)* 

A Letter to my Past

Dear Past, 

Oh, I knew we would end up back here. At this very moment. Me, reminiscing about everything that has happened. You, reminding me of it all. There was a time where I used to look back at you with disgust. I’d say mean things about how horrible you were and how I hated what you put me through. There were times I felt so weak to the point where a simple feather could brush my face and knock my entire body down and the weight of the pain I was feeling would keep me plastered to the ground. Even though I think about you and weep from time to time, you have shaped me into the person I am today. So I want to thank you. I want to give you 5 reasons why I appreciate you, through the midst of it all. 

5. You’ve shown me how to “let go”. 

From my many failed relationships and broken hearts, you’ve shown me the art of “letting go”. You’ve disallowed me to attempt to keep someone that doesn’t want to be kept. To love someone deeply that doesn’t want to be loved. And to take care of someone that doesn’t want to be taken care of. I’m not done learning this “art” but, because of you, I’ve come a mighty long way. Thank you. 

4.  You’ve shown me my true beauty. 

I remember looking in the mirror and seeing a short, dark skinned, small lipped, big hips, big ass, unattractive girl. And the only way I would think I was pretty was if some knuckled head boy began to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Then one day I realized that all my imperfections makes me who I am. I now love every curve on my body, every roll, every stretch mark…all that. I’m in love with the person I am. And I believe I’m beautiful. Thank you. 

3. You’ve taught me how to forgive. 

It took me 2 years to forgive my ex boyfriend for leaving me two months after my mother passed. I mean I hated him. Nothing anyone would say, could make me not want to exert excruciating pain all over his body. But, who was I hurting? He sure in hell had moved on and could care less about my said hatred towards him. Me on the other hand, I was filled with hate that was really just underlined with hurt. So in the end, I was causing more damage to myself. But when I forgave him. Like REALLY forgave him, I felt free. Like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulder. I was able to breathe again. Thank you. 

2. You’ve shown me my true strength. 

A swear a person never knows how strong they are until being strong is the only option. I can talk about this subject all day. I lost my mother and boyfriend in 2012. In 2014 alone my car got repossessed 3 times and I was close to being evicted from my apartment. I struggled with depression and anxiety and I was close to throwing my hands up and saying forget all of this. I’d hit rock bottom and I felt myself sinking further down. BUT GOD. He showed me so much favor at those times. I had no choice but to pull myself up from the ground and rebuild my strength. It took a lot of work. But it was all worth it. For that, I say “Thank You”. 

1. You’ve taught me how to LIVE and not just EXIST. 

I never walked with a purpose. I was merely on this earth just to past time until it was time for me to leave. I wasn’t LIVING. But now…I’m not afraid to take chances. I’m not afraid to do things I’ve never done before or that are just out of the ordinary. I don’t let my fears hold me back from potential greatness. I mean I did just fly on an airplane for the first time last month!!! (Talk about growth lol). I want to travel, see the world, meet new friends, fall in love, have a family, all that good stuff. But I can’t if I hold myself back. You’ve taught me how to LIVE and how to do it to the fullest. Thank you! 

See most times we don’t appreciate what our past has done for us. Without it, without you…I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Now don’t get me wrong, these scars I have are not pretty at all. They still kinda trouble me at times because it’s a constant reminder of pain. But it’s also a constant reminder of progress. I’m nowhere near where I was before. And it’s because of you. So again I thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I’m sure you’ll be receiving another letter from me soon, because I know you’re not done with me. With tearing me down, to build me up. With your life lessons and all that good stuff. But until then, I’ll wait, I’ll learn, and I’ll keep in mind all that you’ve taught me. Until next time. 

With love, 

B